~ Updated at Bottom ~

Greetings...

The weekend's over and I've finally got a few minutes... actually, more than a few... to write a word or three before heading off to work.  Yippee... 

Friday

You know about the game, if you saw the post one down.  We lost.  It was... awful.  We didn't play well.  They (They being the Bears, our opponents) started off the game by running us "three & out"... and then blocking the punt and returning it for a touchdown.  Momentum their way, right from the get go...

Momentum is huge in any game, in case you didn't know.

We got the Mo to swing our way a couple of times... but then Murphy's Law would kick in and kick us in the nuts.  Like the fumble on the 1 yrd line... just as we're going to score.  No points and they get the ball back... and the Mo back, too, for that matter. 

We were damn lucky we weren't shut out. 

We went to the bar after and got our grub on.  I hadn't eaten all day so the alcohol I consumed went right to my noggin'.  Making me a little floaty headed.  But it was all good.    Ain't doing nothing but going home and hanging out with my ownself afterwards, anyway, so who cares if I'm floaty headed?  Not I!

Friday Morning...

I stopped by Lil Miss' place.  She was ready for adult activity... the kind she said we should refrain from just last week.  That didn't last long, did it?    I told her that we needed to do some conversing first... she wanted to have fun first... but I knew that wasn't going to work.  You have the fun first, you don't feel like doing the conversing part when you're done and then nothing gets accomplished.  Right?  Right.

I asked her if she wanted more out of what we have going on... than what we have going on.  Her answer to that was a question.  (I hate when people do that!)  Do you?  I told her no, I did not... and that I had made that very clear from the beginning and that we had re-established this arraingment after the summer with the understanding that it was going to be FWB and not anything else.  Period. 

LM:  "So you have no feelings for me at all?"  
ME:  "Not true.  Just not the kind of feelings you're talking about.  I am quite fond of you, actually."
LM:  "Quite fond of fucking me, you mean."
ME:  "That too."
LM:  "Oh, now that was just brilliant of you."
ME:  "I was being honest.  I'd appreciate if you'd do the same.  And you never answered my original question."
LM:  "So I'm good enough to fuck, but not good enough to love, is that it?"
ME:  "That's not fair."
LM:  "Well fuck you so very much."

There was a... 30 minute pause in conversation right about that time... I sat at the table while she paced around the place in a rather animated fashion, cursing me to the heavens and stars and... whatever else she could think of.  I'm reasonably sure that I've never been called so many different names in such a short period of time.  

Once she started to wind down, I asked her the original question again.  Finally, I get an answer. 

LM:  "Sometimes I think I would.  Yes.  Happy?"
ME:  "Just sometimes?"
LM:  "Jesus Christ, are you trying to talk me into it or out of it?"
ME:  "I'm not trying to talk you into anything.  I'm just trying to figure out where you stand."
LM:  "Why?  What does it matter to you, as long as you get what you want?"
ME:  "I sound quite selfish."
LM:  "Yeah and sarcasm is really appropriate in this conversation, asshole."
ME:  "I'm just trying to figure out if it's a good idea to continue with this arraingment.  If you have feelings that you can't deal with, then I need to walk away."
LM:  "So now I'm immature and can't deal with my feelings, too?  Immature and unlovable, but a good fuck."
ME:  "First of all, that's not what I said.  Second of all... what was that you said about sarcasm?"

Another pause in the conversation... only about 10 minutes or so this time. 

LM:  "I can't help how I feel."
ME:  "I know."
LM:  "And if I admit to having feelings for you, then you're going to walk away.  Right?  That's not a healthy breeding ground for honesty, you know."
ME:  "No, it's not.  But I didn't necessarily say I was going to walk away just because you have feelings for me.  As long as you understand that they're not mutual feelings and can deal with that fact, then we're still good.  But the minute I think you can't handle it, I will walk away.  If I don't, this will end up being one huge cluster fuck.  And I do not have the time, energy or patience to deal with cluster fuckedness in my personal life."
LM:  "I can handle it."

So.  There we stand.  It's not over.  Yet.  I still don't have a great feeling about it all, though, to be perfectly honest.  We did determine that we will take a break and won't see each other until after the first of the year.  We'll see what happens after that, I guess.